I get the occasional question about how to have safe sex when a girl is with another girl. And though I have occasionally addressed details about some things you can do in my responses to those who’ve asked, we need to have a single coherent article on how to go about carpet munching safely (can we still use that term today, given that many women have no, uh, carpet?).
Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I am woefully lax when it comes to using safe sex practices when I am with another woman. Conversely, I’ve only rarely entertained the idea of not using a condom when fucking a man (it has happened, though). But the fact of the matter is I have only used a barrier with a woman couple of times.
I mean, it’s hard to go through the process of pulling out a latex or saran wrap square, getting it all situated, and going down on a woman when you’re pushing her into the bathroom stall at the club, dying to have her squirm as your tongue lavishes all that attention on that special little button. It just…breaks the energy stream. And besides, I adore the taste of pussy, something you just don’t get with a barrier.
With a guy, it’s barely even an interruption to roll a condom onto his engorged cock before you open wide and let him slide that hard rod into your cunt or ass. For the trained it can be an almost seamless process, in fact. Of course, with a man, there’s one added risk that just isn’t present when two women are fucking, and that’s the possibility of pregnancy. With two women doing one another, that’s just not even a consideration.
Interestingly, there’s a recent study from New York City [PDF] that suggests many women don’t even bother with condoms if they’re being butt fucked by a man (only 23 percent of women report using condoms consistently during anal sex!). Why? Because there’s no risk of pregnancy. Of course, with anal penetration, there’s arguably an even greater risk of acquiring some infections, so there’s an obvious disconnect there. But that’s a subject for another piece. Back to the girly bits.
With Sapphic sex there are just about as many risks as there are if you’re fucking a guy. The risks are still there, though they may obviate themselves a bit differently.
Oral sex is perhaps the most popular sexual act carried out between two women. And while the risk of acquiring HIV is considerably lower than it might be with penetrative sex, it is not altogether negligible. You can also easily acquire bacterial infections (syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia) and viral infections (herpes, HPV) from skin to skin contact and through the exchange of bodily fluids, especially if either of you have open sores. Hepatitis is another possible acquisition, especially if you are going to have your tongue dancing around and darting into your partner’s hot little asshole.
Open sores, you say? I don’t have any, you might think. Have you been shaving? You probably have small open sores. Do you have chapped lips? You might have open sores. Have you been brushing your teeth hard or flossing recently? You might have open sores in your mouth. Is the person being performed on having her period? She has open sores. We’re not just talking cuts and gunshot wounds here.
Manual sex is probably the second most popular sexual activity - using fingers or toys to penetrate your partner’s cunt (or asshole). If you chew your fingernails, or keep them trimmed to within a millimeter of a quick, you might have open sores on your fingers. If you have sharp fingernails, you might scratch the delicate mucous membranes in your partner’s cunt or asshole, thereby creating an open wound.
So, don’t assume that, just because you don’t see any blood spurting out of a partner, that there are no open sores through which the nasty little STD bugs can be transmitted, and therefore assume there’s no need for safer sex practices. And don’t forget that many diseases can be transmitted simply from skin-to-skin contact! It’s also important to keep in mind that someone with one of these diseases may be asymptomatic - you’re not going to be able to see that they’re infected, even if you’ve got your face buried deeply in their pussy.
Tribbing is another sex act that many girls will do with one another. And, again, there’s the exchange of bodily fluids and intimate skin-to-skin contact.
But my partner’s been tested…
So your new partner has a copy of her clean test results? Keep in mind that many diseases don’t show up for a while – they have to go through an incubation period. HIV is an excellent example of this. If your partner is exposed to HIV, she can pass it along immediately, but testing won’t produce a positive result until between six and twelve weeks, so having a test result from yesterday if she was infected a week ago is not going to mean much.
If you’re going to be monogamous and fluid-bonded with your girlfriend/spouse, especially if you’ve both been active with other partners prior to hooking up (men or women), wait about six months, get tested again, and if the results are negative, then you can move to having completely unprotected sex.
Types of Protection
So, while the risks may be generally lower for lesbian sex, yes, there are still risks. And, as with your heterosexual counterparts, there are ways to help mitigate those risks.
First and foremost is the barrier. This typically takes the form of a square or rectangular piece of latex placed over your partner’s naughty bits, with you going down on them over that barrier. The barrier can be either a dental dam or a condom cut open to become a flat piece of latex. A very popular, less expensive, non-latex alternative is a piece of saran wrap. Yes, that’s right, saran wrap. Saran Wrap is impermeable and perfectly suitable for use as a safer sex barrier. It’s much more widely available, less expensive, and is thinner than a latex as well (and lacks that fucking latex taste!). It has the added bonus of being clear so you can see what you’re playing with, too.
The only down side to using plastic wrap is that it is sometimes a little more cumbersome to use, since it sticks to itself quite readily. When you pull it out, you have to expend some bit of effort to get it apart and flatten it out before you can use it. In my scenario above with the hot bitch in the bathroom, she will likely have gotten herself off and be back out on the dance floor by the time I dig my saran wrap out of my purse in the dim light, pull it out of the little baggie I keep it in, unfold it, and put it to use. “Wait! Where did you go?”
Anyway, to use these barriers, the best thing to do it put a bit of water-based (only!) lube on the side that comes into contact with your partner’s naughty bits, then go down on it and perform just as if you were in contact with the skin itself. The lube allows the barrier to slide around easily and gives it more of a “real” tongue feeling to the person on the receiving end. Be sure to swap out and use a different one with each partner, and if you move from the anus to the pussy.
If you’re going to be mashing naughty bits against each other’s (tribbing), then you might consider lubing up both sides a bit to make it more glide worthy. You’ll want to use a larger sized sheet for that as well, since it tends to move and give a good bit when you’re doing this kind of activity.
If you’re going to be penetrating someone with fingers (or a fist) and want to reduce the likelihood of transmitting any bugs, use finger cots or a glove. Finger cots are basically little condoms for your fingers. If you have sharp fingernails, you still have to be careful, however, as they may cut through the thin latex. You can always use regular latex gloves for this as well, by the way; there’s no need to go out and buy finger cots just for sex. If you are a lesbian or spend a lot of time finger-fucking women, please do away with the long or sharp fingernails. And you always want to ensure you wash your hands well before using them to penetrate someone!
If you’re going to be using penetrative toys, such as a dildo, vibrator, strap-on, butt plugs, etc., you’ll want to cover those with a standard condom before use, especially if you’re going to be sharing them (i.e., penetrating one partner, then the other). Using condoms has the added benefit of making clean up a bit easier, too, especially if anal penetration is going to be involved.
You also want to ensure you change your finger cot, glove, or the condom when moving between the ass and the cunt as well. That’s extremely important. It’s okay to go from the cunt to the ass, but not the other way around!
Keep in mind using these kinds of barriers is also a good way to enjoy sex when your girlfriend’s actively menstruating.
Bringing the Subject Up
While women may not be hesitant to bring up the requirement for a condom with a guy, it is often a bit more awkward to bring up safer sex with another woman. A lot of this has to do with a lack of understanding on the part of many women about the risks - some women just don’t realize that it is almost as risky to nibble on that little pleasure button as it is to swallow a man’s cock.
We’re each responsible for our own safety, though, and if you want to avail yourself of these options, it is up to you to bring it up. I’d simply tell a person I was with that I am a big proponent of safer sex practices and bust out the saran wrap pieces that I’d pre-cut and packaged in my purse specifically for one of those opportunities when I’m out and come across a woman I just absolutely have to have right then and there!
If you get resistance from the other person, you’ll need to make the decision about whether or not to continue - you’re the one who faces the risks. And perhaps the one who pays any consequences. If your partner can’t respect your wishes about being safe, then perhaps you should reconsider the whole affair.
Keep in mind, too, that many women, even those who identify as lesbian, have had sex with men at some point in their lives. So it is quite possible they may have a disease that you’d commonly only suspect resulting from heterosexual intercourse. You just never truly know, so the best course of action is to be as safe as you can possibly be.
Keep in mind there’s no such thing as “safe” sex - the only safe sex is no sex (well, maybe cyber sex). The professionals refer to it as “safer” sex when using barriers and other protection because it is safer than sex with no protection whatsoever. But, even if you employ these particular recommendations there’s still the risk of catching something. Something other than pregnancy, in this case.
And for what it’s worth, these same concepts apply to any of you gentlemen out there who wish to go down on a woman as well. It’s not unheard of for the menfolk to want to cunt munch safely as well, and everything I’ve said here is just as applicable to you going down as it is for those for whom the article was entitled.
Stay safe, my pussy- and ass-eating friends.